I have mostly tried to maintain as LITTLE contact with this person as possible--to avoid ANY cause for conflict or misunderstanding of ANY kind. I have been 'cordial' and 'polite' and have tried to be as pleasant as possible WITHOUT pursuing any personal connection. I realize, NOW, that I have basically been trying to "protect" myself. I am a "Peace Maker" at heart... I despise and avoid conflict, confrontation, or any disagreeance that causes uncomfortableness or offence (I'm a coward!)... and that's HARD when there arises certain circumstances that DO require "a backbone" in the ways of YaHWeH. I've had to rely HEAVILY on His grace and Spirit at times, for that very reason. However, left to my own, I "run the other way" rather than face contention.
This particular person has been showing small kindnesses toward me and my family, though... and I have smiled and given the appropriate 'thank yous'-- all the while maintaining my distance. I, truly, have not been intending to be hypocritical... I simply have not been able to bring myself to TRUST this individual. I honestly don't feel that I have a 'grudge' against this person. I have checked my heart and emotions often in this matter... I don't feel I have unforgiveness or anger or "revenge" or ANY such things; I simply have mis-trust. Well, reasoned I, It is not commanded that I TRUST everyone... so I must be "OKAY". After all, reasoned I, you fear the fire after you've been burned! Right? I'm simply using "wisdom" (It certainly sounded "spiritually mature" to me!).
But my Father is righteous and genuinely wise, and will not leave me in error. He is the perfect Father that Teaches His children what IS right, and doesn't leave us to our own opinions. I Am thankful, but it's NOT easy! It's hard and it's humbling sometimes-- yet, it is very sweet :) My Daddy is so very sweet! :) So, you may be wondering, How did He do this? What happened? Well, once again, I feel I should withold the specific details-- but this person did something VERY helpful to me. It was a VERY generous and kind act that was totally unexpected! They certainly didn't 'have' to do it! They just did--and I'm not even sure if they realized what it meant to me, but they just offered something- with no strings attatched- and went on their way... leaving me to ponder... and, without even realizing what I was doing at first, I just HAD to say, " Lord, BLESS that person... for they are truly a better person than me!" And they are! As far as I know, they are NOT a 'Christian'... nor 'live for God' in any way... yet; comparing "us"-- THEY have done more righteously than I. That's when I realized this lesson... I had just earnestly Prayed for "my enemy" (so to speak). I had genuinely prayed for this person that had opposed me and hurt me and caused me to be weary. It's not enough to just forgive... I may earnestly forgive, but I must also earnestly pray.